I’m 52. I went on 15 dates with women aged 38 to 48. “Without these 7 things, you get dropped immediately.” Here’s the honest list — and I agree with it.
I’m fifty-two years old. I got divorced two years ago after twenty-four years of marriage. I live alone in a two-room apartment that I bought before the divorce. I work as a lead specialist at a design institute and earn about €1,246 a month. I’m not an athlete, but I’m in decent shape — 180 cm tall and 86 kilos.
After the divorce, it took me about six months to recover. Then I decided it was time to start meeting people. I signed up on a dating site. I set myself a goal: fifteen dates. Just to understand how it all works now. No illusions, no rose-colored glasses.
And here’s what I realized after three months of meeting women between thirty-eight and forty-eight.
First requirement: your own place. Without it, you’re automatically crossed off the list.
Not one woman asked me outright, “Do you own your apartment?” But every single one found out within the first twenty minutes of conversation — indirectly.
“Where do you live?”
“Do you live alone or with your parents?”
“Are you renting or is it yours?”
My first date was with Marina, forty-one, a teacher. Beautiful, smart, interesting. We talked about books and travel. Then she asked:
“Andrey, where do you live?”
“In Uralmash, in a two-room apartment.”
“Is it yours?”
“Yes, I bought it ten years ago.”
She visibly relaxed. Her smile became warmer.
A week later I went out with Tatyana, forty-four, an accountant. Same question. As an experiment, I said I was renting. She nodded, but the interest in her eyes faded instantly. Half an hour later she checked the time.
“Sorry, I have to go. I need to get up early tomorrow.”
We never met again.
I realized then: having your own home isn’t a luxury. It’s a basic requirement. Even a tiny one-bedroom on the outskirts is better than a rented apartment downtown. Because your own place means stability. Reliability. A man who has managed to provide for himself.
Second requirement: a salary of at least about €1,020–€1,133 a month.
Nobody asked directly how much I earned. But they all figured it out indirectly.
“What do you do?”
“What field are you in?”
“Do you plan to grow further?”
Svetlana, thirty-nine, a marketing specialist. We were talking about work. I told her I was a lead specialist at an institute, earning about €1,246 a month.
She nodded with respect.
“Not bad. Stable field.”
On the next date I met Olga, forty-six, a kindergarten teacher. For the sake of curiosity, I said I earned about €567 a month. She smiled politely, but her gaze turned distant.
Then she said honestly:
“Andrey, forgive my bluntness. I’m forty-six, I have a mortgage and a grandson. I need a partner, not another person I’ll have to carry.”
I wasn’t offended. I understood her.
Third requirement: appearance. Grooming matters more than good looks.
I’m not handsome. But I try to look decent. A clean shirt, pressed trousers, polished shoes. A neat haircut, a trimmed beard.
On one date, Natalya, forty-three, a manager, said it directly:
“Andrey, you look well-groomed. That’s nice. A lot of men over fifty completely let themselves go.”
I asked:
“Is it really that important?”
“…continued in the first comment.
I’m 52, went on 15 dates with women aged 38–48. Without these 7 things, you get dismissed immediately.” Here’s the honest list — and I agree with it.
I am fifty-two years old. I got divorced two years ago after twenty-four years of marriage. I live alone in a two-room apartment that I bought before the divorce. I work as a lead specialist at a design institute and earn about €1,250 a month. I’m not an athlete, but I’m in decent shape — I’m 180 cm tall and weigh 86 kilos.
After the divorce, I spent six months recovering. Then I decided it was time to start dating. I signed up for a dating site. I set myself a goal: fifteen dates. Just to understand how it works now. No illusions, no rose-colored glasses.
And here is what I understood after three months of meeting women between thirty-eight and forty-eight.
Attribute number one: your own home. Without it, you are automatically crossed off the list.
Not a single woman asked me directly, “Do you own your apartment?” But all of them found out within the first twenty minutes of conversation. Indirectly.
“Where do you live?”
“Do you live alone or with your parents?”
“Are you renting or is it yours?”
My first date was with Marina, forty-one, a schoolteacher. Beautiful, intelligent, interesting. We talked about books and travel. Then she asked:
— Andrey, where do you live?
— In Uralmash, in a two-room apartment.
— Is it yours?
— Yes, I bought it ten years ago.
She visibly relaxed. Her smile became warmer.
A week later I went out with Tatyana, forty-four, an accountant. Same question. As an experiment, I said I was renting. She nodded, but the interest in her eyes faded instantly. Half an hour later she looked at her watch:
— Sorry, I have to go. I need to get up early tomorrow.
We never met again.
I realized: having your own place is not a luxury. It is a basic requirement. Even a small one-bedroom on the outskirts is better than a rented apartment in the city center. Because your own place means stability. Reliability. A man who has managed to provide for himself.
Attribute number two: a salary of at least €1,020–€1,130
Nobody asked directly how much I earned. But they all found out indirectly.
“What do you do for work?”
“What field are you in?”
“Are you planning to grow further?”
Svetlana, thirty-nine, a marketer. We were talking about work. I told her that I was a lead specialist at an institute and that my salary was about €1,250.
She nodded with respect:
— Not bad. A stable field.
On the next date I met Olga, forty-six, a kindergarten teacher. Just out of curiosity, I said I earned about €570. She smiled politely, but her gaze became distant.
Then she said honestly:
— Andrey, forgive my bluntness. I’m forty-six, I have a mortgage and a grandson. I need a partner, not one more person I have to carry.
I wasn’t offended. I understood her.
Attribute number three: appearance. Being well-groomed matters more than being handsome
I’m not handsome. But I try to look decent. Clean shirt, pressed trousers, polished shoes. Neat haircut, trimmed beard.
On one date, Natalya, forty-three, a manager, said directly:
— Andrey, you look well-groomed. That’s nice. A lot of men after fifty stop taking care of themselves.
I asked:
— Is that really important?
She nodded:
— Very. If a man cannot put himself in order, how is he going to deal with problems?
I remembered that phrase.
On another date I saw a man at the next table. About fifty-five. Unwashed hair, wrinkled shirt, belly hanging over his belt. His companion — a well-groomed woman of about forty — sat there with a stone face. Twenty minutes later she left.
I realized: appearance is not about fashion. It is about respect for yourself and for the woman.
Attribute number four: no belly, and at least basic physical shape
I do not go to the gym. But I watch my weight. Eighty-six kilos at 180 cm is normal.
Several women hinted at this indirectly. Elena, forty-two, a doctor:
— Do you do sports?
— No, I just try not to overeat.
— Good for you. A lot of people let themselves go after forty.
Irina, forty-five, a lawyer, said it more frankly:
— I look at a man and evaluate this: if he cannot control his weight, can he control his life?
Harsh. But honest.
Attribute number five: no talk about exes
I understood this on the third date. I was meeting Viktoria, forty, a designer. We started talking about past relationships. I mentioned that my ex-wife had been very jealous, and that it was one of the reasons for the divorce.
Viktoria tensed up:
— Andrey, let’s not talk about exes.
— Why?
— Because if you are still there, then you are not here. I’m not interested in sorting through your trauma. I came to get to know you, not your past.
I remembered that. I never mentioned my ex-wife again.
Attribute number six: clear plans for the future
On the tenth date I met Anna, forty-eight, a university lecturer. A smart, interesting woman. We were talking about life. Suddenly she asked:
— Andrey, do you see where you will be in five years?
I hesitated:
— Well… I work, I live. Everything is fine.
She sighed:
— I see. It’s just that I have already been with a man whose answer was “everything is fine.” We sat in that swamp for ten years. I do not want that again.
We did not meet a second time.
That made me think: where am I really going? Same job, same salary. No plans at all. Just living.
After that conversation, I started thinking about plans. About goals. About what I want to achieve.
Attribute number seven: readiness for a serious relationship
The last date was with Larisa, forty-three, a psychologist. We talked for three hours. At the end she asked:
— Andrey, why are you on a dating site? What are you looking for?
I answered honestly:
— I don’t know. I want someone by my side. But I’m not sure I’m ready for something serious.
She nodded:
— I understand. Then we are not on the same path. I’m forty-three. I do not want to waste time on “let’s see what happens.” Either it is a relationship or it isn’t.
I understood her.
What I understood after 15 dates — and why I agree with these requirements
Women aged 38–48 are not looking for princes. They are looking for adult men. Men who:
Have secured housing for themselves
Earn a decent income (about €1,020–€1,130+)
Take care of themselves
Are not overweight
Do not drag the past into the present
Know where they are going
Are ready for something serious
This is not greed. This is experience. They have already been with losers, with immature men, with men who are “just living.” They no longer want to waste time.
And I understand them.
Because I myself became that kind of man. After the divorce, I got myself back in shape. Bought decent clothes. Started thinking about plans. Became more serious.
And you know what? Dates started going better. Women started looking at me differently.
Now I’m seeing Elena, forty-two. It’s been three months. Everything is going well.
Because I meet her standards. And she meets mine.
Are women aged 38–48 who expect a man to have his own home, earn €1,130+, and have plans for the future being reasonable and mature — or materialistic and unrealistic?
Is the man right to agree with these standards, or is he just justifying a consumerist attitude from women?
Should a woman over 40 lower her standards and accept a man “as he is,” or does she have every right to demand stability and maturity?
Or maybe a man who only started thinking about plans and goals at 52, after 15 dates, is immature himself and deserves the rejection?